Days are flying by can't wait until I move back into my condo and start living my life again on my own terms.
It's been okay and all returning home from Santo and ending my Peace Corps service but life in the USA for me tends to be pretty boring. Seems like the only real challenge in living in the states is the dating game. Doesn't seem all the interesting really. I wish I was building something, an art project or a school library something that has meaning. Guess I am just biding my time until I venture off again and find something meaningful to do. But first I have to stay put and dig my way out of the hole I dug living the poverty lifestyle of Vanuatu.
I wish there were more days back then that were highs versus lows, but the days when you can hop on a boat full of timber and work on a crazy build project on a remote island are not a normal way of life... those few glorious moments were definitely exciting. Wish I could have shown more friends those wild days but at least a few got to join me.
My brother is in town again for the holidays. It's nice seeing him again and goofing off like we did when we were kids. Hope these next couple weeks are enjoyable. And then after that I will be moving back into my condo... guess all is going fairly well.
12.24.2015
12.18.2015
Mid-December
Finally feels like winter now and its only 28 degrees but the wind makes it feel 17 and it's going to get so much colder before it's over. I must be in Minnesota I am talking about the weather.
I had several strange dreams last night. One was about working at the Soap Factory but the layout of the building and the things we were doing were out of context of what volunteer work would entail there. We were (three of us) moving around scrap metal and there was one volunteer who was asking if he should take something like looked like a table? I tried to say no that seems ill advised but he did so anyway and soon thereafter he was met by some unpleasant looking fellows that attacked him for stealing the table. Not sure what that all means in terms of hidden meaning in dreams. Probably nothing.
Made me think for a while though... mostly about the recent board led meeting at the Soap Factory held on Dec 1st. I never got up in front of the crowd of 100+ people, to tell them my thoughts. Not sure anyone would care to hear what I would have said. I just listened. It seemed rather pointless to say anything really.
They presented the meeting as if its intent was to find solutions to its current problems. That notion is a farce. The board proceeded to spin a story about how and why they got to the place where they are now, broke and forced to shut the doors. Their story is two fold: Part one of the reason for closing, the director being a part time temp, means they failed to qualify for a large grant which was something they depended upon to function for the winter. Part two the: building costs related to the HVAC, bathroom construction and so on put them in the brink of defaulting on loans. That these extra costs came to them as a surprise being forced by the state to install the HVAC system and was only given a two month notice, that it needed to be done.
Both of these reasons are non-sense and attempts to save face for the board by blaming other people. The Soap Factory has been told by the state for decades it needed a HVAC... to say this came with only a few months notice is dishonest at best. Secondly the grant loss, that may have caused some financial disturbance but it was the boards poor decision to not search ASAP for a permanent director. Hiring a part time interim director was a foolish decision in general, let alone its impact on one grant.
What that meeting really was to me was the wake, and by this I mean as in: a watch held over the body of a dead person prior to burial and sometimes accompanied by festivity. Instead of a dead person, the death was of the organization. Unfortunately this wake service was held six months to a year delayed because the Soap Factory (SF) as I knew it, was no longer in operation. Let me explain why I feel this way. As 2014 unfolded there was a mass exodus of leadership at the SF. The director left, the program manager Lillian transitioned to run the basement then left after that project, Mitch the building manager left as did Dani the volunteer coordinator and Tana the Deputy Director, gone. This vacuum of leadership could not be filled by anyone very easily, even though Colin (Building and Installation Manager) and Kate (Program Manager, Exhibitions) are terrific and did as much as humanly possible, it would have been nearly impossible to expect anyone to know the legacy of the 25 year old org and help navigate it without some senior leadership to guide them. This is why not having a passionate permanent director was devastating blow. Not being able to make strategic decisions to generate revenue, having a 16 hour a week leader basically, sunk the ship. Additionally in 2014 they decided to kill the volunteer program, a catastrophic error. Why? Because by removing the most passionate people from helping do work at the SF removed a core piece of the reason to be there. Those volunteers were the life blood of the SF. And killing that program drained them of life. It also was the source of much free labor that now had to be contracted out and paid for by a very small bank account. Having the hundreds of volunteers present and involved the SF community had additional benefits such as word of mouth for evens, gone... addition revenue from those passionate volunteer to attend events, gone. There are other impacts as well, such as volunteer contributing ideas, networking with other artists and other factors.
All that was left when I returned in 2015 was a building with heat and a haunted basement that was constructed by paid workman. Not nearly a shadow of what it was in 2013 when I left for my tour in the Peace Corps. All in all... I think things are pretty dire at the Soap Factory. The lack of leadership in the board of directors, and their Temp Director with now all staff laid off, how can things turn around? Who is willing to give an organization money knowing they have no one they should trust to give that money to spend? It is a very sad wish things were different but at least we had our wake.
I had several strange dreams last night. One was about working at the Soap Factory but the layout of the building and the things we were doing were out of context of what volunteer work would entail there. We were (three of us) moving around scrap metal and there was one volunteer who was asking if he should take something like looked like a table? I tried to say no that seems ill advised but he did so anyway and soon thereafter he was met by some unpleasant looking fellows that attacked him for stealing the table. Not sure what that all means in terms of hidden meaning in dreams. Probably nothing.
Made me think for a while though... mostly about the recent board led meeting at the Soap Factory held on Dec 1st. I never got up in front of the crowd of 100+ people, to tell them my thoughts. Not sure anyone would care to hear what I would have said. I just listened. It seemed rather pointless to say anything really.
They presented the meeting as if its intent was to find solutions to its current problems. That notion is a farce. The board proceeded to spin a story about how and why they got to the place where they are now, broke and forced to shut the doors. Their story is two fold: Part one of the reason for closing, the director being a part time temp, means they failed to qualify for a large grant which was something they depended upon to function for the winter. Part two the: building costs related to the HVAC, bathroom construction and so on put them in the brink of defaulting on loans. That these extra costs came to them as a surprise being forced by the state to install the HVAC system and was only given a two month notice, that it needed to be done.
Both of these reasons are non-sense and attempts to save face for the board by blaming other people. The Soap Factory has been told by the state for decades it needed a HVAC... to say this came with only a few months notice is dishonest at best. Secondly the grant loss, that may have caused some financial disturbance but it was the boards poor decision to not search ASAP for a permanent director. Hiring a part time interim director was a foolish decision in general, let alone its impact on one grant.
What that meeting really was to me was the wake, and by this I mean as in: a watch held over the body of a dead person prior to burial and sometimes accompanied by festivity. Instead of a dead person, the death was of the organization. Unfortunately this wake service was held six months to a year delayed because the Soap Factory (SF) as I knew it, was no longer in operation. Let me explain why I feel this way. As 2014 unfolded there was a mass exodus of leadership at the SF. The director left, the program manager Lillian transitioned to run the basement then left after that project, Mitch the building manager left as did Dani the volunteer coordinator and Tana the Deputy Director, gone. This vacuum of leadership could not be filled by anyone very easily, even though Colin (Building and Installation Manager) and Kate (Program Manager, Exhibitions) are terrific and did as much as humanly possible, it would have been nearly impossible to expect anyone to know the legacy of the 25 year old org and help navigate it without some senior leadership to guide them. This is why not having a passionate permanent director was devastating blow. Not being able to make strategic decisions to generate revenue, having a 16 hour a week leader basically, sunk the ship. Additionally in 2014 they decided to kill the volunteer program, a catastrophic error. Why? Because by removing the most passionate people from helping do work at the SF removed a core piece of the reason to be there. Those volunteers were the life blood of the SF. And killing that program drained them of life. It also was the source of much free labor that now had to be contracted out and paid for by a very small bank account. Having the hundreds of volunteers present and involved the SF community had additional benefits such as word of mouth for evens, gone... addition revenue from those passionate volunteer to attend events, gone. There are other impacts as well, such as volunteer contributing ideas, networking with other artists and other factors.
All that was left when I returned in 2015 was a building with heat and a haunted basement that was constructed by paid workman. Not nearly a shadow of what it was in 2013 when I left for my tour in the Peace Corps. All in all... I think things are pretty dire at the Soap Factory. The lack of leadership in the board of directors, and their Temp Director with now all staff laid off, how can things turn around? Who is willing to give an organization money knowing they have no one they should trust to give that money to spend? It is a very sad wish things were different but at least we had our wake.
11.30.2015
December 2015
Man it's Almost December now... the temps feel like winter now 29 degrees.
I don't really miss Vanuatu even though it is nice and warm there. I think it's because it's too warm like a sweaty armpit warm and no shower clean enough to enjoy washing the stink off in. But I would like to see Cuba. An island nation that like Vanuatu is in a time warm but there's is a 1950 semi Godfather like time warp. It sounds like a magical place at least for the short term until American's flood the place with money and turn it into a large gap, abercrombie, starbucks, apple everything looks the same hell that first world nations have become.
The holiday season is the worst time of the year... vapid commercialism, consumerism and it's mostly pointless except to drive the stock market up for the crash in January.
Hmm... I wonder how people are doing in g26 and g27. Those are the Peace Corps still serving in Vanuatu that I sort of knew. Not that they think much of how I am. But I am curious. Hope they are doing well.
My family has all been staying at my parents house over the Thanksgiving Holidays. My Bro his kid Mila and myself and the mom and dad. Lotta Bekkerus under one roof. It's been fun. Probably won't ever happen again. My parents are getting older, and Mark might not get a chance to do this again for years. But it was quite special and think everyone had a good time.
I don't really miss Vanuatu even though it is nice and warm there. I think it's because it's too warm like a sweaty armpit warm and no shower clean enough to enjoy washing the stink off in. But I would like to see Cuba. An island nation that like Vanuatu is in a time warm but there's is a 1950 semi Godfather like time warp. It sounds like a magical place at least for the short term until American's flood the place with money and turn it into a large gap, abercrombie, starbucks, apple everything looks the same hell that first world nations have become.
The holiday season is the worst time of the year... vapid commercialism, consumerism and it's mostly pointless except to drive the stock market up for the crash in January.
Hmm... I wonder how people are doing in g26 and g27. Those are the Peace Corps still serving in Vanuatu that I sort of knew. Not that they think much of how I am. But I am curious. Hope they are doing well.
My family has all been staying at my parents house over the Thanksgiving Holidays. My Bro his kid Mila and myself and the mom and dad. Lotta Bekkerus under one roof. It's been fun. Probably won't ever happen again. My parents are getting older, and Mark might not get a chance to do this again for years. But it was quite special and think everyone had a good time.
11.10.2015
November - New job and stuff
Oct-Nov
The weeks sort of fly by and I log less and less in the blog. I suppose when I was in Vanuatu there was so much more free time to write and getting back home means doing more stuff and less sitting on the computer writing. I strangely miss those moments but also I was frustrated then and writing more about the hardships than about fun times. I guess it was never a perfect fit for me being in Vanuatu but it was good to be out of my comfort zone for a while too.
When I got home I figured I would throw myself into building at the Soap Factory and being around my group of friends there but that did not come to be. Most had stopped coming as the volunteer program ended, the staff changed dramatically, and the new younger volunteer made the old crew feel less welcome. I think there were some there (Haunted Basement vols) that did not want me to steal their limelight (i'm not sure) and so I let them have their fun but it was their loss because I could have contributed a lot for free but oh well. Better to move on. I had fun working with Mitch building things and getting some money as well. But it is sad that the Soap Factory is closing its' doors as it is in the throws of trying to figure out its direction in so many ways. I hope that they will find a full time director, and staff that can restart the ways in which the old org inspired us so deeply.
The best thing that came to be recently is I got the job at Catholic Charities... and I never expected that. I signed up to help in a volunteer capacity and it turned into a job offer instead. How lucky can I be? The people there are really nice and the work is meaningful helping the less fortunate get out from a bad place. I like that aspect a great deal.
Experimenting with some reporting tools such as Tableau: https://public.tableau.com/profile/david.bekkerus#!/
Also reviewed some cool stuff from a tool I learned about from Nic Karr aka peace corps a reporting tool used to show how life expectancy and wealth per nation has changed over the last 100 years at: http://www.gapminder.org/. A great tool but not available for personal use.
The weeks sort of fly by and I log less and less in the blog. I suppose when I was in Vanuatu there was so much more free time to write and getting back home means doing more stuff and less sitting on the computer writing. I strangely miss those moments but also I was frustrated then and writing more about the hardships than about fun times. I guess it was never a perfect fit for me being in Vanuatu but it was good to be out of my comfort zone for a while too.
When I got home I figured I would throw myself into building at the Soap Factory and being around my group of friends there but that did not come to be. Most had stopped coming as the volunteer program ended, the staff changed dramatically, and the new younger volunteer made the old crew feel less welcome. I think there were some there (Haunted Basement vols) that did not want me to steal their limelight (i'm not sure) and so I let them have their fun but it was their loss because I could have contributed a lot for free but oh well. Better to move on. I had fun working with Mitch building things and getting some money as well. But it is sad that the Soap Factory is closing its' doors as it is in the throws of trying to figure out its direction in so many ways. I hope that they will find a full time director, and staff that can restart the ways in which the old org inspired us so deeply.
The best thing that came to be recently is I got the job at Catholic Charities... and I never expected that. I signed up to help in a volunteer capacity and it turned into a job offer instead. How lucky can I be? The people there are really nice and the work is meaningful helping the less fortunate get out from a bad place. I like that aspect a great deal.
Experimenting with some reporting tools such as Tableau: https://public.tableau.com/profile/david.bekkerus#!/
Also reviewed some cool stuff from a tool I learned about from Nic Karr aka peace corps a reporting tool used to show how life expectancy and wealth per nation has changed over the last 100 years at: http://www.gapminder.org/. A great tool but not available for personal use.
10.23.2015
House projects
Been working outdoor most of the last couple weeks helping Mitch fix up both his house, and Lillians.
I really like working with Mitch. He's been a lifesaver, and probably over the years he's been one of my best friends. Hope we can complete fixing up his 4 plex this week and help him sell that property.
Other than that... I am sometimes posting knee jerk reactions to my readjustment. Sorry if I come off harsh at times. I am just not always in the best of moods when I write on my blog.
I really like working with Mitch. He's been a lifesaver, and probably over the years he's been one of my best friends. Hope we can complete fixing up his 4 plex this week and help him sell that property.
Other than that... I am sometimes posting knee jerk reactions to my readjustment. Sorry if I come off harsh at times. I am just not always in the best of moods when I write on my blog.
Fall days
Things are strange when you first return home after being gone a while.
I think I expected everything to be like it was when I left for Vanuatu but things have changed, I have changed. I think I need to let that go, the season of fall is an ironic time to return symbolic of letting the old me, my way of thinking fade and start a new chapter.
I think I expected everything to be like it was when I left for Vanuatu but things have changed, I have changed. I think I need to let that go, the season of fall is an ironic time to return symbolic of letting the old me, my way of thinking fade and start a new chapter.
10.20.2015
week 7-10: Time slipped
week 7 Sept 28-Oct 4 - slow week
week 8 Oct 5-11 - more of the same
week 9 Oct 12-18 - same same same...
week 10 Oct 19-25 blah... but i got to visit a friend in Eau Claire... that was fun.
The good news is that I think I am close to landing a job... that is the first step in my recovery process.
1) Job
2) car
3) home
4) live again
Lets hope that maybe someone will want to hangout with a returned peace corps vol in the near future ... betting that once I am working, have money, a car and a cool place... I am sure things will improve.
That is the funny thing about serving... you leave for a bit and most people forget about you, so you start over. Friendships in the USA a lot of them are not so deep. Lesson learned.
---
Woohoo... Landed the job. Soon I can start making my life matter again in the states.
week 8 Oct 5-11 - more of the same
week 9 Oct 12-18 - same same same...
week 10 Oct 19-25 blah... but i got to visit a friend in Eau Claire... that was fun.
The good news is that I think I am close to landing a job... that is the first step in my recovery process.
1) Job
2) car
3) home
4) live again
Lets hope that maybe someone will want to hangout with a returned peace corps vol in the near future ... betting that once I am working, have money, a car and a cool place... I am sure things will improve.
That is the funny thing about serving... you leave for a bit and most people forget about you, so you start over. Friendships in the USA a lot of them are not so deep. Lesson learned.
---
Woohoo... Landed the job. Soon I can start making my life matter again in the states.
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